is a vicious thing
that begins simply
as a desire for joy.
Longing for more
leads to giving in
to self,
to the impulse
of the moment,
to self-gratification,
which is not
the same as
appreciation of self.
The more
I tapped the store
of sure gratification,
the more I lost
all self control,
satisfaction.
Lost the ability to plan,
to work for goals,
to be a man.
And that’s the way
my self loathing
began.
first published in BEHIND PRISON WALLS Chapbook
©2011 Bonnie Manion